A little Piece of Candi

2009-10-24T12:48:00.002-05:00

Dear almost significant other,
This is the first day of my life
I swear i was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach

Yours is the first face that i saw
Think i was blind before i met you
Now i don't know where i am
I don't where i've been
But i know where i want to go

And so i thought i'd let you know
That these things take forever
I especially am slow
But i realize that i need you
And i wondered if i could come home

Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And i thought it was strange you said everything changed
You felt as if you'd just woke up
And you said "this is the first day of my life
I'm glad i didn't die before i met you
But now i don't care i could go anywhere with you
And i'd probably be happy"

So if you want to be with me
With these things there's no telling
We just have to wait and see
But i'd rather be working for a paycheck
then waiting to win the lottery
Besides maybe this time it's different
I really think you like me

This song started our whole music adventure. You wore the bright eyes shirt you have, and i saw it and told you how much i loved bright eyes, then i sang this whole song to you. You were surprised i knew every single word. Then a few days later, when i was sick, you dropped your bright eyes CD off in my mail box. It made me feel so much better.

Yesterday wasn't so bad. We sat and talked on the bus, and then after i said goodbye to you and left on a good note. I've been really thinking about all your different behaviors around me. I mean deep in thought. Like how you won't say a word to me, but the second i'm in trouble you're right there, talking me through it. It confused me so much. Yesterday i finally put all the pieces together. I finally realized whats going on. You're scared. I think you still really care for me, but you're protecting yourself. You might really want to be with me, but committment is the part you struggle with. I feel so bad thinking about it now. I of all people understand shutting people out to protect yourself. I wish you would just tell me how scared you are. We could talk through it. I'm scared too, more than you'll ever know. This relationship idea goes against everything i've ever thought about people, but I had really begun to believe we could make it work. It wouldn't be a conventional relationship, but it work for us. So i won't push you on it anymore. I'll just be good friends with you. If or when you're ready to be more i'll be here. We'll see where this takes us.

Love,
Your CandyBaby

2009-10-22T18:39:00.004-05:00

Dear almost significant other,
Your finger tips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me spainsh lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick

Well, i never want to see
you unhappy
I thought you'd want the
same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless
dream
I'm trying not to think
about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long my luckless
romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring
me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, never forget
These Images

No

Well i'd never want to see you unhappy
I'd thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and i'm haunted
And i bet you are just fine

Did i make it that easy
To walk right in and out
of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring
me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I missed you so much today. I have been listening to untitled 3 by the Sigur ros. I've listened to it at least 100 times. You were right about different peoples faces flashing across your mind when the piano chords change, its a beautiful song. I've been completely losing myself in the music, and the memories, if you're in as pain as i'm in, i know you are doing the same thing. You sat at our lunch table today, and i couldn't help but look at you. I love watching you interact with people, because you're not too good to talk to anyone, and find common ground. I always loved that about you. You taught me it doesn't matter, it all depends on how you treat people. Its seemed like war for the past couple days. I'm sorry i've been so shallow in flirting with your friends, it was all i could do to get you off my mind. I thought that if you think i like someone else we can go back to being good friends. You caught on quick and started flirting with my friends though. I don't want to cause you pain. Not like the kind i'm in. I don't want you to suffer. I think i'll keep writing to you until i can't feel the pain anymore

Remember that one night that the guys in the parking lot were harassing me after night rehearsal and you followed me all the way home to make sure i was safe? That was the first day i knew i really liked you. Remember when you asked for my number, and pretended like it wasn't a big deal, and then made a joke about having to go to Georgia to talk to me because you didn't reconize the area code. Remember the night after the community pep rally you told me how beautiful i was and how much you liked me. You told me i had the prettiest smile, and i was so huggable. I don't think you let go of my hand the entire time you said all of it. We talked for at least thirty minutes. It took you fifteen to say goodbye. I could see our whole relationship right there, and i was ready. I was ready. I was already committed to you so completely. I knew it was so hard for you to say those things because of how you feel about relationships, but i was so proud of you, i thought you really meant it. I remember you telling me that day that sometimes you were just quiet because people said a lot of meaningless things, then you turned to me and in that way you do, you said except for me, i could say or talk about anything i wanted.

Those are the memories i keep replaying in my head, and a whole bunch of other ones i'll write to you later. If i could have it my way i would take this time to say please come back to me, i'm lost without you, i miss you, i need you here with me, but i think this is happening for a reason. I'm really lost right now, and i need to find myself again. I know i have to do this without you.
I'll be strong i promise. I can do hard things.

Love,
Your CandyBaby

2009-10-21T21:00:00.003-05:00

Dear almost significant other,
A warning sign
I missed the good part then i realized
I started looking and the buble burst
I started looking for excuses
Come on in, i've got to tell you what a state i'm in
I've got to tell you in my loudest tones
That i started looking for a warning sign
When the truth is
I miss you
Yeah the truth is
That i miss you so

A warning sign
You came back to haunt me and i realized
That you were an island and i passed you by
And you were an island to discover
Come on in, i've got to tell you what a state i'm in
I've got to tell you in my loudest tones
That i started looking for a warning sign
And the truth is
I miss you
Yeah the truth is
I miss you so
And I'm tired
I should not have let you go

So i crawl back into your open arms
Yes i crawl back into your open arms
And i crawl back into your open arms
Yes i crawl back into your open arms

This song defines the course of our relationship. We listened to this song together, I put it on a CD i made for you. I let you completely in. All the way to the very center of my heart. I wrote all of the memories i had of us down, i didn't want to forget. I do now. I was willing to risk everything because i thought it was worth it. I have cried, and cried for the past several days. I don't know when this will stop. I listened to the entire bright eyes CD in my car the other day, it just made it worse. I don't know how to tell you how much you're hurting me. That i am losing control. How did i let it get to this point? I trusted you. It obiviously went deeper for me. I've never connected with anyone the way i connected with you. Through all my family mess, i knew you would have been there. I miss talking to you, just being with you. I know you would have known what to say, or even just been a good listener, but i am alone. Your not here. I thought you would be, but the pain of losing what could have been makes it all even worse.

Life doesn't always work out the way i'd like or expect. I suppose in the end, it ends up the way its suppost to. I hope i can look back on this and not have any regrets. I hope that one day the pain i'm suffering now is worth it. Because this is the worst pain i've ever felt. I don't even know if my heart is there anymore. I hope you're happy.

Love,
Your almost sweetheart.

2009-08-24T17:58:00.002-05:00

Okay, so. Today is August 24th, and for kids everywhere that means that it was the first day of school. This simple sentence can evoke so many emotions. Like, for me, blah. I have mixed emotions. I'm excited to see all my friends, and start marching band, however, I am not excited about the work load. Junior year screams work. You work hard in your classes, you work hard on your SAT's, you work hard on your TAKS, you work hard in your job, work, work, work, and finally work. I've just got so much going on. I am one step closer to senior year though, and graduation, and about that I can't complain, and don't get me wrong its not like I don't have fun at school, but sometimes it can just get a little stressful. I do have one thing to look forward too this week: football game this Friday (GO FARMERS!) Its the highlight of my week. It should be so fun!! I can't wait to get back into the farmer spirit.
Schedule as follows:
Band
P/AP French 3
P/AP Physics
Interior design
I am so excited about interior design, even though I was suppost to be in SAT prep instead. I think i'm just going to keep interior design, hehe.

2009-07-26T10:50:00.002-05:00

Last night the youth had a fireside with Elaine S. Dalton(Young Womans president over the entire church) speaking. Both her and her husband spoke. It was so amazing! They were here to celebrate the 50 years the church has been in Denton. We were so lucky they came to speak to us. This fireside was such a tender mercy. In the world today, it is so hard to feel special when everyone around you is doing things that you don't. Its easy to wonder what you're doing wrong, but as we gathered together last night, I realized I am doing things right. Even though the right thing is hard to do it is so worth doing. She said so much, I wish I could remember it all! One of the things she talked about was making sure you never do anything to be unworthy to have the spirit with you. She said you should say to yourself, when put into any situation that would compromise your worthiness, "I cannot do what you say, for I was born to be a queen." Wow. At that moment I felt like I could take on any challenge thrown at me. She also talked a lot about how we were the chosen generation, saved to be on the earth at this time. We are the ones that Peter talked about. She encourged us to read the Book of Mormon. She said it was for us, that it was reading like the newspaper, and we needed to have the strength it provides. She is just a beautiful, sweet woman who speaks with such power. After the actual fireside, she stood and we all lined up to meet her. She stood for so long, but was such a trooper. When I went up to meet her I just thanked her and told her she was an answer to so many prayers. She smiled, and said that she thinks that we planned virtue for our day, it is for us, and that she would be seeing us again. Wow. Talking about virtue made me realize that the man I am suppost to marry is worth waiting for. I might not go on all that many dates or have a steady boyfriend, but when I meet my bestfriend and he takes me to the temple none of that will matter. So even when I see the other couples or feel like I'm ugly, I can just remember that none of that will matter, the man I'm going to marry is well worth waiting for. I'll wait as long as I have to. It was quite an awesome experience♥

2009-07-25T08:36:00.002-05:00

This Little lady is Sadie. I didn't expect I would love her already. I've been to plenty of friends houses where I usually stay as far away from their dogs as possible, going out of my way to mauver myself just right so it looked like I liked dogs, but just had better things to do than be in the same room with theirs. Thinking about it now I probably looked so stupid, but it was effective. Nobody wants to be the person label as the dog hater. I guess I would compare it to other peoples kids: I would never go up and kiss someone elses kid, but I would kiss my own. I would never kiss someone else dog, but I am free to love on my own dog. I love her. Welcome to the family Sadie♥

2009-07-24T10:28:00.003-05:00

5 Days

'til victory

The Start of Something New

2009-07-24T09:29:00.000-05:00

Where to start? Okay. Hi, the names Candice. This blog is a creative writing project for me. Mostly because i'm good with computers and writers cramp sucks. As you might have guessed, I don't really know where i'm going with this yet, but it could turn out pretty spectacular-even if just for me.